Lost Love

so.. theres someone that i know realize is the most important person in my life (somewhat) he is the one person that i have said i love you too. the ironic part is that i see him and all but cant tell him i still fill this way. we went out for a yr and a half. it was almost 2 yrs ago that we broke up i dont know how i can still feel that way after i went out him i havent had a good relationship. i think that he and i would be still be going out after all this time if shit would not have happened well ill start from the begging we met randomly in this restaurant i went up to him and asked him the time i know its me weird going up to a guy haha but yea we pretty much started talking and flirting and at the time i didnt have a cell phone so he gave me his. i called him the next day i know to soon but yea we went out that night and went to see some eddy murphy movie.. oh and i took my sister i know its lame but yea.. we then started going out and hanging out and he asked me to be his girlfriend the day before valentine's day 2/13/07 i was so happy with him and to make my story not that long we got in a fight cause of my mom he lived with his best friend. And we were mad for about a week in that week his nest friend cousin showed up when he was drinking. she had athing for him and he slept with her cause he was drunk and then we started talking and he wanted us to get back together i said no after he told me what had happened. his best friend didnt really liked me cause he was mad that he would spend more time with me he then told me his cousin was pregnant and my ex bf was the father nd now he still is with her but still talks to me and all. i wish i could go back in time and be happy again he now looks tired and all he looks literary like crap. what hurts me the most i think is seeing his son. he looks exactly like him. she somewhat knows that i talk to him but when i hang out with it seems as if im hiding from her she calls him every 5 min when she knows im with him i suppose its sad really i think she knows that we were happy and she screwed it up for well better yet he screwed it up for himself literary. we look at each other and wish that there was so chance for us to change the past and be happy now and not be as we are now he with somene he doesnt love and i with no one him and i at jr prom (i dont know why his right eye is red)

12/31/09

so just how i thought i didnt go i woke up at 3pm?!?! ugh today was just a lazy day. didnt do anything productive.ugh man today in new years eve i feel bad i wish i had someone to spend it with other than my family i hate to say it a boyfriend i know its lame but yea i want to drink or something today start the new year happy or something

well im going to try to sleep

i think i have insomnia or something

Should i feel retarded?

im almost twenty and dont have a license.. my sister is going to turn eighteen and she like rubs it in my face that she is going to get it before me... ugh...we're both saying we're going tomorrow lets see if its true..this will be the fourth time i take the written test :/ fml cause my friends made me miss school to take it when i hadnt studied or anything last year. They came at 8am to take me to the dmv forcedly and theyre like come back till u pass it i just froze when i was taking the test i took it the three times and cried -_-. Tomorrow ill just pay and turn in the paper work nd take it next yr haha man i cant wait for this yr to be over.But i do want to drive i want to have a scion xb or a Chrysler 300. but now that im jobless i dont see that as a posssibility. Great

Can't sleep to much sh** going on

I always get my self in stupid guy situations. for one i was fooling around well not really cause he met my family and we would go out talk on the phone till we both fell asleep and would hold hands and what no..ugh im getting of topic so him lets call him Bob so noone knows who im talking about well we stopped "fooling around" cause i found out he really was fooling around with one of of our supervisors and well we stooped talking for awhile then we started talking he looked depressed and all at work so i decided to talk to him again at a staff party well everyone at our job assumed we were dating and broke up and got back together. Well i wanted to be his gf but he would say he wouldnt be a good bf (ths was before i knew he was fooling around wth that other chick) well now i know why he wouldnt be.

well any who we stayed friends and i still like him but we just didnt hang out as much anymore but still would kiss and hold hands when we work together. on halloween he had it off and i worked till 11pm i told him r u going out hes like no im going to sleep i felt bad cause i went to a party and was drinking and flirting with this one guy that i knew liked me well the following week i see pics in his facebook of him dressed up (when he said he wasnt doing anything cause he didnt have a costume) and almost making out with this ugly skinny asian chick

i asked him about it and he's like no that wasnt halloween and im like fine whatever and yestrerday i saw the picture in her pg of them actually making out i ask him and hes like no we're not going out and she has ablog that is dedicated to their love and relationship

i asked him today do u have gf and hes like no

should i get even with this guy? if yes how? my head goes blank on how to deal with this